FR 19 Facing the ghosts of my past! Can I beat them?

2 week focus- Opening, transitioning, plowing

Daily challenge
7+ approaches(Direct or plow)
6+ plows
2+ close attempts

first let me start by telling you again. I didn't complete my tasks and I feel like shit for not doing it. I hate excuses and I don't like to make any but, I really had no sets to work with. how ever I think I could have still done more. and I feel like such a loser for even making excuses, but I will make up for these incomplete days.

The nightmare begins- So today I went out with Southern style and the streets were deserted(I guess we picked a bad spot) Since there wasn't much to game, this was a great time for me to get to know southern style at a much more personal level. we shared stories, and came up with some good concepts. but anyway, while at work, I was all ready feeling bummed out for not approaching. To top things off, today because of a series of unfortunate events, my mind started regressing back to old chode days, and by the end of the night I was sooo depressed, and this feeling of failure became so overpowering, that it started challenging everything I've believed in and protected.

The Ghosts in my past- So one of my biggest enemies my whole life has been Anxiety. Finally I managed to attack and submit it to my will. but just when I thought I was immune to my past, an even greatter enemy showed its face today. Usually in social circles I can be the alpha male most of the time, how ever Since people hated me my whole life, I recall this feeling of absolute emptiness and loneliness I used to feel. At work I'm usually the alpha male of the group and the chicks love me, but theres a guy there whos a natural at this. and has some serious social intuition. This guy competes with me(not openly) to gain social power. Pretty much, every woman that has worked there, has been massively attracted to me, but this guy has taken them from me and taken their prefference over me, one by one. Since I've lost social battles my whole life, this is something that really really gets to me, and I can't help but to get this disgusting feeling of anger(mainly at my self) deception, and helplessness as well as loneliness.

Defeat- So all these women he has taken from me, went from having a special bond with me to even finding me anoying because of him. and the ones that still like me, would still take him over me any day. I've been talking to a girl at work and shes been more into me than anyone else. I mean I didn't think he would actually manage to take this one from me either, but today, he started flirting with her, and I started feeling the shift in power. No matter what skills I use(and I do have good ones) and I'm not too socially uncalibrated, no matter what I do, I just can't beat this fucking guy. And hes better at group controling and masterminding than I am. Normally I would back down and feel like shit. But I absolutely refuse to give in to my old fears, and misfortunes. I'm determined to beat this guy because its not about him. It's about me defeating another old enemy of mine that has kept me misserable for too long. will stop runing and face this head on. I won't lie though, I still feel like shit. I feel like I'm still the same person I was 4 years ago. Please tell me the fastest way to gain social Intuition. I'm gonna need everything available to me. It's time I stop letting people take everything away from me. Please give me advice, I really need it. sorry about the negativity. I'll get over this, I just have to beat this.

Todays completion list
total approaches- 2(indirects)
plows 2
close attempts-1
closes-0